ladysprite | Miss Jean Louis: A Biography

So much can be said about Miss Jean Louis - epic poems have been written in praise of her tireless efforts on behalf of the endangered elopus, murals have been painted in tribute to her pulchritude, and I know of at least once city that has been renamed in her honor after her endeavors to save all of its children from a tragic epidemic of mundanity.

But today I would like to speak of one of the lesser-known periods in her life. It may come as a surprise to those who have followed her endeavors, because our beloved lady does her level best to hide her light under a bushel, but Miss JL did, in fact, spend her first three years after college as a Professional Jackalope Wrangler for Ringling Brothers Circus, at the same time establishing the Underground Railrun that eventually helped smuggle these precious and brutal creatures back to the safety of their prairie homes.

It was at that very circus, when she was but a girl, that Miss JL first fell in love with the noble jackalope; in fact, though she has never confirmed this rumor, many maintain it is why she ultimately went on to obtain her PhD in genetics from Moreau University. In any case, the young Jean was at a loss for how to aid the poor brutal beasts. Luckily for them, her determination is matched only by her patience and cunning.

After completing her first degree (in Pre-Cambrian linguistics, as we all know), Miss Jean Louis returned to infiltrate the circus, first presenting herself as a cotton candy sculpture artist and knife-thrower's target. Over time she endeared herself to the jackalope husbandry team, through her charm, wisdom, and her realization that the only treat those bloodthirsty beasts love more than the flesh of their foes is, in fact, fresh-spun cotton candy molded into the shape of tiny petit-fours.

After endearing herself to both the jackalopes and their captors, Miss Jean worked tirelessly night and day for over a year to find others as dedicated as she to the plight of feral mythical beasts and their exploitation. Together with such champions as Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Angela Lansbury, she formed the Jackalope Liberation Army and dug a series of literal underground runs to free the poor abused chimeras from their circus habitats and return them to the prairies of their youth.

(It must be admitted, though, that this was made easier by the fact that the jackalopes themselves did most of the digging; the hardest task of the caregivers was steering them. Left to their own devices, the animals were more inclined to tunnel under sorority houses and playgrounds.)

All in all, the efforts of the JLA were a resounding success, and over 3 years more than 400 jackalopes were successfully reintroduced to the wild, leading to the epidemic of black plague and the gang wars between feral cats and antlered bunnies that plague the midwest to this day.

It was during her time in the circus that Miss Jean Louis also discovered her deep and abiding passion for flying trapeze and her tragic allergy to sequins, but those are tales for another chapter....