Enforced Cheer

[ladysprite]

I need to remember that occasionally forcing myself to have fun in spite of my strongest desires not to can be a good thing.

I had a lousy damn day today. I'm still anemic and off-balance fron giving blood yesterday, I had a prolonged and painful conversation with my grandmother last night about my (nonexistent) relationship with my father, and my boss surprised me with the news this morning that apparently all of my coworkers hate working with me, complain about me constantly, and feel that I'm a condescending, overbearing lazy witch. Add this to other background issues that I'm not really at liberty to discuss, and this afternoon saw my third crying jag in a week.

The last thing I wanted was to leave my safe, comfy sofa nest and go out into the misty, dreary evening to dance and be social and perky. But my fiance, who is much wiser than I am, gently but firmly steered me to the door, insisting that getting out would be good for me. So I went, convinced that it would be no fun. And I was hugged, and chatted with, and danced with, and told stories, and heard stories, and ate lemon sherbet, and generally wound up dragged sulking and pouting into a good mood.

It's hard to remember that I'm an extrovert when I'm so incredibly shy most of the time, but it's true.....

Comments

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the rotten day (though I'm very skeptical about everyone there not liking you), but I'm glad you're feeling better now.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

Looking at the comment the "they all do not like working with you, think you are lazy, overbearing, condecending, witch..."
absolutely blows me away. I really think a long talk with your boss is in order and get some specifics. Personally, I think these people have to be nuts. Have they given you any indication
of this problem before this?

I am glad you had a great time tonight. Hugs

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Unfortunately, while my boss is an overall nice guy, he's not the best at conflict management. He doesn't have any specific complaints, just a vague report from the nurse-manager (who, of course, also happens to be his step-daughter) that "everybody" is "always" complaining about me. He won't and can't give me specifics, which of course also means he can't give me any advice on how to improve.

I really, honestly don't know what to do. I can't make people stop hating me if I don't know who does, or why.

[dedoc.livejournal.com]

It also means that this may be a pile o' crap... pardon my French.

If there's anyone there amongst your co-workers who you think a friend, take 'em to lunch and ask about this. I suspect this will be enlightening.

Personally, this smells to me like games in office politics, not a real issue.

[umbran.livejournal.com]

Personally, this smells to me like games in office politics, not a real issue.

My thought is that it is both better and worse than that. I don't think it is office politics as it is someone who doesn't really think about what they say. Lots of people casually exaggerate, especially when they are blowing off steam. If I'm correct, this is better, in that there's no actual substance to worry about, but it is worse, in that it means someone's being terminally insensitive.

All in all, I expect it is an office version of the "telephone game". The boss should know better than to take unsubstantiated complaints without specific names attached. But a great many vets don't have formal training in managing and office and the people in it.

[siderea]

No, but you can play the following political game:

You have a small workplace, right? Find a way to get some private conversation with each co-worker. In each private conversation, "confide" (pretend this is a LARP!) that you're worried that you're too overbearing and ask them if they have any advice for you on how to fix that. Be sure to work into the conversation how you're asking because you trust them, and you trust they won't bring up this embarrassing moment of weakness on your part with anyone else.

When you're done working your way through the office, every individual will think they're in a special relationship with you where they can take their problems with you directly to you. It will cut down on them complaining to other people.

[umbran.livejournal.com]

Beware of games. Frequently, when one plays a game, somebody loses.

This is nice, if and only if they actually are in a special relationship with her, and that she is asking because she trusts them. Otherwise, it's not exactly ethical behavior. Not to mention the fact that if she really isn't in a highly trusting relationship with someone, such a conference will seem decidedly odd to that person.

More importantly - if it gets around that she's doing this with every single person, there's the likelyhood that it will backfire, and she'll look manipulative. Why? Because if she plays this game she is, in fact, trying to manipulate people. Dangerous ground there, especially in a small office, where you can count on everyone talkign to everyone else.

Now, if she has a few people she really does trust, talking to them might be good. If she has an idea who might have lodged the complaint, talking to them might be good - even if the person doesn't admit to and work out the problem, the Lady comes off as at least being concerned.

[siderea]

More importantly - if it gets around that she's doing this with every single person, there's the likelyhood that it will backfire, and she'll look manipulative.

Actually, no, she'll look insecure and concerned. Which would be great -- if she has a reputation of being a hard-ass, that will only help contradict it.

But you should definitely go on being offended by my suggestion. I recommend it highly.
†

[umbran.livejournal.com]

But you should definitely go on being offended by my suggestion. I recommend it highly.

Offended? Where did I say I was offended? I wasn't offended. If I came across as such, I apologize, as it wasn't my intent.

[incredulous shocked expression]

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

ALL of them?

He's blowing smoke. Tell him to give you specifics on any incidents/problems. If he can't, then make sure you get in writing a copy of any reprimand that he gives you.

You're good people. Have been since I first "met" you in the alt.callahans days. Don't let anybody tell you different.

[bardling.livejournal.com]

Sorry you had a rotten day, glad your sweetie managed to jiggle you out of the rotten mood it caused - and seconding the advice the other posters gave, get specifics from your boss, especially if noone's ever given you any indication directly. *hug*

(I'd expect them to try telling you first when they don't like something about you/your actions, rather than run to the boss, so this makes me sceptical - but perhaps I'm just expecting too much human decency & politeness... still. Check it, don't just swallow it blindly 'cause it comes from your boss.)

Dance

[cristovau.livejournal.com]

It was great seeing you last night. Sorry if my attention was a bit diverted towards the 2 year old. Perhaps we can dance at the ball this weekend? Hope-Hope

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

I'd be very happy if my part in the dancing, storytelling and -listening helped to cheer you up.

The news from your boss is so bizarre, I'm left groping for explanations for it. You've mentioned other times that he's been under stress from a couple different directions; this might leave him lacking in time and patience for conflict management. If possibly some co-worker has (not even by choice, necessarily) formed a bad opinion of you, say by mistaking shyness for reserve, and going from "reserve" to "cold-heartedness"; and if they were then talking about you to the boss, but in order to diffuse responsibility they attributed their ill-will to "everybody" instead of just themselves (an all too common face-saving gambit), in his current temperment it might have come out the way you heard.

There, that was easy, since I know none of the facts, and none of the people besides you. What to do about it, that's harder. In my imaginary scenario, confronting your boss head-on, asking for specifics, etc., would not work: it would be picking at him where he's sorest, and going after specifics that aren't there. Ditto confronting co-workers. Wait a week or so, then go back to your boss and say how you were taken aback and rather hurt by what he said the other day, and does *he* feel that way, and if not can he help figure out why others do? The right tone is a delicate balance: neither practical/confrontational nor whiny/insecure, more sort of confident about yourself and concerned with everybody getting along.

In the meantime, let everybody see you cuddling Great Dane puppies. And maybe take a close friend out to lunch.

"condescending, overbearing lazy witch" Not one of those words is true, and I will hug you, and dance with you, and tell you stories, until you know it too.

[sdavido.livejournal.com]

Just know it isn't true, and think about why someone might be led to think that . . . perhaps an incident on one day that was misinterpreted? I'm not trying to suggest that you're to blame, though.

I heard, from my boss before being let go, that ALL he got were complaints. I found out that the student complaints were all made or instigated by the same student (who was finally taken out of my class after it was too late, he admits), and that positive phone calls have never been reported to anyone. Maybe the same type of thing, as has been suggested above, happened to you . . .

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

I have had to put up with similar crap at my winter job. I was written up because I made my fellow employees feel stupid. I'm sorry if you can't manage to put reference books (clearly marked by the way) into the reference section or if you put Erica Kane's biography in the non fiction section then you are stupid. One woman took such a dislike to me that she has waged a three year campaign against me and even turned someone I have known for 10 years against me. For me it is easy to say screw it - unemployment pays better than that. However your situation is less maleable. I would try some of the other things suggested to you - but start keeping an eye on the job openings in your area. No job is worth it if it makes you come home and cry.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Many hugs...