Preparing for the day
Feb. 11th, 2002 06:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspriteWhat do you do when your world turns, if not quite upside down, at least decidedly skewed from where it should be?
What do you do when something absurd and ridiculous and wrong happens, and you can't tell anyone about it?
I want to cry and sulk and wait for a grownup to come and fix everything. I want to vomit until I can see the lining of my stomach. I want to crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over my head and fall asleep, and wake up in the real world where this could never have happened.
I want to tell people, make it real and tangible and dealable by letting everyone see it, and tell me I'll be okay. I want to be able to not worry about it, to have faith that it'll all amount to nothing.
But I can't.
So, I'll take a deep breath and swallow my sobs and screams, and hope I don't choke on them. I'll polish my smile and widen my eyes and put on my doctor-face, and practice looking cheerful.
'Good morning, how are you today?'
'Great! Oh, me? I'm fine. Just a little tired. Long day yesterday. Noone pulled the carpet of reality out from under my rug-burned feet, nope. I'm just tired.
'I'll be fine.'
What do you do when something absurd and ridiculous and wrong happens, and you can't tell anyone about it?
I want to cry and sulk and wait for a grownup to come and fix everything. I want to vomit until I can see the lining of my stomach. I want to crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over my head and fall asleep, and wake up in the real world where this could never have happened.
I want to tell people, make it real and tangible and dealable by letting everyone see it, and tell me I'll be okay. I want to be able to not worry about it, to have faith that it'll all amount to nothing.
But I can't.
So, I'll take a deep breath and swallow my sobs and screams, and hope I don't choke on them. I'll polish my smile and widen my eyes and put on my doctor-face, and practice looking cheerful.
'Good morning, how are you today?'
'Great! Oh, me? I'm fine. Just a little tired. Long day yesterday. Noone pulled the carpet of reality out from under my rug-burned feet, nope. I'm just tired.
'I'll be fine.'
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no subject
Date: 2002-02-11 06:38 pm (UTC)I don't know what it is, and I don't need to. But I do know the lonliness of carrying it around inside and not being able to tell anyone. If you want to talk, about it, around it, or decidedly about anything but it, there are a batch of us here for you, including me, who is just across town.
*very big hug*
A.
who also seconds Tigerbright's advice.