ladysprite | Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I thought, for a little while, that I was starting to get over my body image issues. I was healthy, I was active, and I was more or less content with myself, physically - not overwhelmed with joy, but comfortable, at least, which is more than I've ever been.

It seems, though, that I just replaced one flavor of neurosis with another. I was content, and comfortable, as long as I was active. I'm benched right now - bronchitis has left me completely sedentary, and it's driving me completely bonkers.

I haven't been able to work out for almost a week, and it feels like forever. And every day that I'm stuck sitting on the sofa, watching tv and doing crossword puzzles, I just get more jittery and frustrated. I can feel every bite of food settling in for a long stay. I can feel my backside getting wider and my body vanishing under an ever-expanding layer of padding. I feel my strength and my muscles melting away, and the urge to climb onto the scale at work two, three, four times a day; to get out the tape measure and start tracking my descent into flab is almost overwhelming.

I know it's absurd. I know it's not reasonable; it's one week. Maybe two. And I know that if I give in and try to work out tomorrow I'll just wheeze and cough myself into an even worse state. But I can't start to move around soon, I'm going to go mad.

I have no idea how I made it through a year of forced inactivity. I need to figure that out, and remember it.....