Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

[ladysprite]

I thought, for a little while, that I was starting to get over my body image issues. I was healthy, I was active, and I was more or less content with myself, physically - not overwhelmed with joy, but comfortable, at least, which is more than I've ever been.

It seems, though, that I just replaced one flavor of neurosis with another. I was content, and comfortable, as long as I was active. I'm benched right now - bronchitis has left me completely sedentary, and it's driving me completely bonkers.

I haven't been able to work out for almost a week, and it feels like forever. And every day that I'm stuck sitting on the sofa, watching tv and doing crossword puzzles, I just get more jittery and frustrated. I can feel every bite of food settling in for a long stay. I can feel my backside getting wider and my body vanishing under an ever-expanding layer of padding. I feel my strength and my muscles melting away, and the urge to climb onto the scale at work two, three, four times a day; to get out the tape measure and start tracking my descent into flab is almost overwhelming.

I know it's absurd. I know it's not reasonable; it's one week. Maybe two. And I know that if I give in and try to work out tomorrow I'll just wheeze and cough myself into an even worse state. But I can't start to move around soon, I'm going to go mad.

I have no idea how I made it through a year of forced inactivity. I need to figure that out, and remember it.....

Comments

[arachne8x.livejournal.com]

Know that you are not alone in this. Even when inactivity hasn't led to weight gain, it's always made me much more self-conscious. I think for everyone with body image issues, it's a problem. When we can't work out we lose control of something we thought we'd finally licked.

It's been a real frustration for me with my recent health stuff, even though I know I'll lose the weight again. So *hugs*. Maybe some gentle stretching and yoga just to get the connection to your body back?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Right now yoga is beyond my ability; I'm having a rough enough time sitting up and lifting a tea mug. But that's a good idea for when I start feeling better - thank you.

[arachne8x.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hope you will start feeling much better soon.

[geochick.livejournal.com]

I also understand how this can amp up latent body-image issues. I second the suggestion from arachne8x, perhaps there is some kind of low-key movement you can do... not focusing on calorie-burning or muscle tone necessarily, but more of a physical reminder that you are taking care of your body until it is well. Having gone through a bizzare joint-stiffening episode last Christmas though, I also understand that there are cases when even that seems impossible.

Alternatively you could try focusing on the fact that by working crossword puzzles you are strengthening brain muscles (seriously... I think I've heard that it staves off memory loss later in life.)

Even more seriously though, best wishes as you fight off the ick.

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

I've seen you now in several settings over several years in a variety of costumes, and I have yet to see you being anything but a beautiful woman with a beautiful physique. That may or may not be much comfort, but there you are.

[crash-mccormick.livejournal.com]

Consider a static exercise regime like Calinetics if in need or exercise and not able to get out. Point focused muscle work don correctly should be feasible even if unable to sustain extended deep breathing. After tantric sex and swimming probably the next best choice for reduced impact exercise.

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

I'm not just blowing off your main point--I agree with all of the above, and you say yourself that you know your worries are unreasonable, plus your mood is "bored" not "worried"--but I'm so curious I gotta ask about a tangent:

Current music: 'Lost' theme
'Lost' has theme music? Beyond just the whoosh? I had completely never noticed.

[umbran.livejournal.com]

Yes. It plays during the credits.

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

Far out. I shall have to pay attention when it starts up again next month.

[umbran.livejournal.com]

We are back on Season 1. The series up through Season 5 have hit Hulu. We figure by the time we're caught up, Season 6 will be done, and we'll be able to finish it off.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Does dancing also trigger the coughing? I find that just putting on music helps me move around more even when I'm just doing household chores. I'm not sure if that will work to ease your mind or not, but I hope you can find something to take your mind off the tape measure.

*big hugs*

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Right now the arduous task of lifting a full tea mug triggers the coughing and is enough to exhaust me. Doing household chores is beyond my ability at the moment; otherwise that's a great idea....

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Boo for coughing. I hope you feel a lot better soon.

[citabria]

I understand. I may try doing yoga tomorrow morning just to see how it goes. If it goes well, I'm off to yoga class on Sat am. If not, I Will Be Well Enough To Go On Monday Evening. Ahem.