Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

[ladysprite]

I thought, for a little while, that I was starting to get over my body image issues. I was healthy, I was active, and I was more or less content with myself, physically - not overwhelmed with joy, but comfortable, at least, which is more than I've ever been.

It seems, though, that I just replaced one flavor of neurosis with another. I was content, and comfortable, as long as I was active. I'm benched right now - bronchitis has left me completely sedentary, and it's driving me completely bonkers.

I haven't been able to work out for almost a week, and it feels like forever. And every day that I'm stuck sitting on the sofa, watching tv and doing crossword puzzles, I just get more jittery and frustrated. I can feel every bite of food settling in for a long stay. I can feel my backside getting wider and my body vanishing under an ever-expanding layer of padding. I feel my strength and my muscles melting away, and the urge to climb onto the scale at work two, three, four times a day; to get out the tape measure and start tracking my descent into flab is almost overwhelming.

I know it's absurd. I know it's not reasonable; it's one week. Maybe two. And I know that if I give in and try to work out tomorrow I'll just wheeze and cough myself into an even worse state. But I can't start to move around soon, I'm going to go mad.

I have no idea how I made it through a year of forced inactivity. I need to figure that out, and remember it.....

Comments

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

I'm not just blowing off your main point--I agree with all of the above, and you say yourself that you know your worries are unreasonable, plus your mood is "bored" not "worried"--but I'm so curious I gotta ask about a tangent:

Current music: 'Lost' theme
'Lost' has theme music? Beyond just the whoosh? I had completely never noticed.

[umbran.livejournal.com]

Yes. It plays during the credits.

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

Far out. I shall have to pay attention when it starts up again next month.

[umbran.livejournal.com]

We are back on Season 1. The series up through Season 5 have hit Hulu. We figure by the time we're caught up, Season 6 will be done, and we'll be able to finish it off.