Writer's Block: One Thing I Did

[ladysprite]

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This is an odd question to me, because I thought I knew the answer at first... but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was wrong.

There are so many things in my life that I've been told I could never do, that I wound up accomplishing anyway. I was told I could never get into vet school, I could never make it through, I could never practice veterinary medicine.

I was told I'd never get married, and that if I somehow did that I'd never be able to keep a husband. That I'd never have friends. That I'd never be loved.

But... none of these things were told to me by my friends. If anything, it was my friends who told me that the things I had been told were wrong and untrue, and that I was strong enough and good enough to do anything I set my mind to, and to be anything I wanted to. They believed I could do these things, even when I didn't. I think that's part of what friends *are*. People who try to break you down, and make you less than you are or can be, or try to convince you that you're not worthy of your dreams... they may be part of your life, or part of your social circle, but I don't know if I'd honestly call them friends.

Comments

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this is exactly my reaction to today's question.

[muddlewait.livejournal.com]

Thank you for an observation I can only classify as beautiful. Oh, and also for further bolstering my faith in the ability of people to make the world a better place.

[z-gryphon.livejournal.com]

Oddly, I had exactly the opposite problem (if you can even call it a problem) with my parents, particularly my father, when I was in high school. He had (still has!) the irritating habit of staunchly insisting that I Can Do Anything I Put My Mind To, even when whatever it is, is patently not possible. (In the interest of full disclosure, he may mean it more figuratively than I sometimes choose to interpret it. :)

I know, first-world problem. In fact, it occurred to me earlier tonight, as I was sitting at a picnic table outside a Chinese food stand over in East, basking in the balmy evening while I waited for my teriyaki beef, that pretty much all my problems, except arguably my flaky electrical wiring, are first-world problems. I have to try and keep that in mind when I confront the annoyances of the university bureaucracy - there are a lot of people who'd love the chance to be getting a hassle like that.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

There's a middle ground between telling someone they can do anything and telling someone they can't do anything. It can be hard to hit sometimes, but I think in their own way they're both equally damaging.

I do my best not to tell my friends they can't do X, though, just because I find it non-helpful, in addition to being hurtful. It doesn't mean I overpraise or lie, though; if they go on about wanting to do something that I think is unreasonable, it seems a lot more helpful and supportive to me to say something like 'Are you sure you want to do that?' or 'Maybe you should try X (Step One) first before you try to tackle that.'

That's just me, though, and I am the product of my own experiences.....

[z-gryphon.livejournal.com]

I think there is sometimes a quality of mercy in being the one to say, "Hey, uh... that's not going to work," but that it's the sort of thing one shouldn't say unless absolutely sure. (For instance, when someone's preparing to attempt something that appears to be impossible no matter who's doing it, which takes the personal-criticism angle out of the equation.)

Just issuing blanket statements like "You can't do that, because you can't do anything," though, I fully agree that's just gratuitous general douchebaggery.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

And then there's my father, who kept pushing me to do things for which I had neither interest nor aptitude. "But you're so SMART -- you could do anything!" Whether or not it would make me happy to do X wasn't anywhere in the equation.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Very nicely put!

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

I've known you for something like 3-1/2 years now, so presumably that's far shorter a time than whoever it was who said you couldn't do this or that, but I find it infathomable that anyone could say that you - well, most anyone in general, but specifically you here, because it's your LJ - couldn't make it through school, attract or keep a spouse, or be loved in general.

The correct response is to stop hanging out with people like that. Which it sounds like you did.

So . . . carry on.

[ravenrose.livejournal.com]

The people who told me that being poly "never works" and "can only lead to heartache" are still freinds... and in their own blessed way, they were trying to prevent me from hurting. That, I appreciate... some issues for some people are always going to invoke the Eyore response.. (its doomed, it'll never work...)

However my never and your never are two woldly different things... my never was based on societal norms and ingrained patterns... your never seems to be very short-sighted and mean spirited... never love or be loved? Preposterous! No one who knows you, even as little as I do, all things considered, could ever think you were incapable of loving... and if you can love, you can be loved.

I'm damn glad you shook their predictions off, and proved them wonderfully wrong!