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[ladysprite]

So. I just got home from an SCA event, not too long ago. It was moderately fun, and I suppose I should be in a bouncy-good mood. There was singing, and socializing, and stitchery, and it was nice enough to see people. I even managed to recover from the fact that the off-board accomodations were.... well.... in the interests of civility, I'll just say that they were not very accomodating. But that was then and this is now, and it doesn't matter in the long run.

Anyway, we talked and we danced and I suppose I had a good time, I guess. But all I feel is... enh. It passed the time. So would staying home and watching soup simmer. I look around, and I don't recognize half of the faces, and most of the ones I do recognize just nod and smile, and move on. I feel like they're saying hello to me out of a sense of pity or obligation more than anything else - 'Oh yeah, her - I guess I owe her one dance, then I can safely ignore her for the rest of the night.' And we make noise about getting together to do this or that, but it never happens.

I know it's mostly my fault - all I really do anymore is dance practice. It's hard to do anything else, working nights. I've tried to offer to help with other things, but it's almost as if in order to be allowed to even help you need a reputation as a Major Mover and Shaker - I get brushed off and forgotten. Which is only fair, I suppose. They really should give precedence to people they know, who have already established themselves as part of the group. And whether or not that's the case, I'm incredibly not good at making myself noticeable - I'm just not able to metaphorically jump up and down and wave my arms in the air and shout, 'Hey, look at me, I'm cool and I want to be part of this!' I'm much more the sort to sit in a corner and wait for someone to find me, even though I know this doesn't really work.

Dance practice. One night a week. Not that much of a time commitment, I suppose, but I'm starting to wonder if it's really worth it. I'm just making myself mopey by trying to go to events, and there's no real point in going to practice if I'm not going to ever actually dance. I could spend the time painting my nails, or finding a part-time job, or renting movies to watch with my sweetie.

I just don't know. This is going to require a lot more thought than I can muster at the moment. I don't *think* I want to stop, but I don't know if I'm capable of staying, either.

Comments

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

One of the reasons that I have never gotten into the SCA, despite having a lot of interest in what its about and many close friends who are SCAdians, is the distinct feeling I get from a lot of people *in* the SCA that you are either in our out. In other words, it's either your major time focus and What You Do With Yourself, or you don't really count in their eyes.

This may be unfair, and I'm sure there are MANY SCA types who *don't* feel this way, but there were always enough of them around that I was never comfortable with the whole thing.

Love,
-R

[mrpsyklops.livejournal.com]

What Rob said. Also, I was in the SCA many years ago, but at that time it revolved around the (mostly male) fighters. A man who didn't fight, or a woman unconnected to a fighter, had a great deal of difficulty fitting in and finding a place. In my opinion, an unaccompanied male fighter will fit in more quickly than an unaccompanied female.

That said, Beth and I had a pretty good time there for about two years. I never fought, but I enjoyed the feasts, the dancing, and the bardic circles. Beth enjoyed the cooking and crafts. We finally left because we felt we had been treated unfairly by the local baron and leaving was the only way to express our discontent. No elections.

My experience has been that it frequently takes a significant amount of time, on the close order of several years, to make a place in a small social group. (Beth and I are still working on finding a place here after two and a half years. (g)) If the activities are worthwhile to you, go ahead and hang in there and spend the time. Otherwise, taper off gradually as you find other activities that are more fun.

[tpau]

i am sorry you didn't liek the event that much. (we couldhave probably used you in the kitchen :))
email me and we can figure out the pattern for you :) for that matter if we wait until after thanksgiving i can help you make the thing too .

[(Anonymous)]

we couldhave probably used you in the kitchen :)

While this may be true, my own observation at the event suggests that whatever was or wasn't needed, help wasn't being accepted. I overheard more than one person ask if they could lend assistance. They were told, in essence, "Thank you, but at this point you'd be getting in the way."

-Arnis

[tpau]

hmm, i wonder at whic hpoint. there was a point around 4 or so when there were a lot of people hanging out in the kitchen, andthere was mroe then enough helpers, but throughout msot of hte day more hands always better.
one of hte things i found useful to remember is that instead of aproaching peope ahaead of time and vaguely tellignthem you are willign to help, i needed to go up to them day of event and offer my help there and then. that way it was more concrete and availible, and they usually took me up on the offer.
it is very easy to feel excluded at SCA events as it looks liek everyoen knows everyoen else and has no time for you. it is usually not true though, you just either need to offer your help tothe peopel who are busy or fidn peopel who are not busy...
but, as someoen mentioned above, it takes a while to become part of hte groups sometimes, and it is much harder to do it if you used ot be part of the group and then moved awy for a time.
give us time to get to knwo you again, or for the first time in some cases, and it will all be good :)

SCA Politics

[its-just-me.livejournal.com]

I resigned myself ages ago to stay out of the politics and socialize. This does indeed hurt a bit IF you're wanting a title. It's 11 years for me, and next march will only be the second feast I have cooked in that time (countless sobtleties though), and no awards of any kind. But I never found there was a lack of need for help - indeed I always find people being begged for help. Granted if it is head cook, autocrat etc. yeah - that takes some doing. I'm just not sure which you're referring to. I dunno - i'm usually off in my own world so I don't notice the politics and junk. I simply don't care to do anything but socialize and have fun. The moment I feel I HAVE to so something I know I need a break. SCA is a huge part of my life but will never be 'my life' or one that takes main priority. Hopefully this will help keep you. I'll see you at dance on Wednesday (heck I just started coming back after nearly three years!)

Long story short - PLEASE STAY!!

Re: SCA Politics

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

It's not about politics, or titles, or wanting to run events. I don't care about any of those things, to be honest. It's... hmm, it's about the way I used to feel like I was a part of things, and now I feel more or less like I've been pushed out. It's not anyone's fault, and it's no one thing I can point to, it's just an overwhelming change in general feel. I wish I had the time and the energy to put into forcing my way back in, but.... I don't think so. Not right now.

Levels of Involvement

[jducoeur]

One lesson that was fairly hard for me to learn was that it is possible to take the SCA at a more relaxed pace. You're hitting much the same problem I did for quite a while: since you were massively involved in college, you got used to the charge that comes from being in the middle of the whirlwind. Now that you don't have time for that, it feels a bit hollow.

It took a long time for me to grasp that it's okay to take it a little easier. No, you don't get as much out of it, but I generally found that I got more than I put into it. I varied my SCA involvement up and down for a fair while, spending more time in other clubs. After five or six years of that, I eventually decided that the SCA was my home base, and the other activities were sidelines. (In particular, I found that not going to dance practice just left me consistently miserable, so I made that the center-pole for my schedule.) I spent a year or so semi-gafiated, doing a lot of spudding at home, but gradually realized that I wound up even more tired and cranky when I did that than when I was getting out when I could find the time.

I seriously want you to stay, but this is one you have to work out for yourself. The thing to do is to step outside yourself a little, set aside the inevitable feelings of guilt over "am I doing enough?" (which every former Provost has a bit of, I think), and ask whether there are parts you're enjoying. If so, do those, and don't worry about the rest. That's become my mantra when I'm starting to feel burned out (which happens once every year or two) -- concentrate on what I actually enjoy doing, and screw the rest.

As for the part of not knowing the people around you -- I can't address that one from personal experience (having never really left for any measure of time), but it's important to remember that it takes time to get to know any group, and there's been a lot of turnover. It's been looking to me like you've been becoming "one of the group" again gradually (as I did only about a year ahead of you), but you're the only one who can really judge that...