Trying

[ladysprite]

It's little comfort to know that you don't have Seasonal Affective Disorder when, instead, you just have depression, anxiety, and other problems that are triggered and/or made worse by cold weather and darkness. Mostly it means that this time of year is rough for me, but getting a full-spectrum lamp doesn't help.

But at least I don't have SAD.

I'm sorry if I'm being quiet and withdrawn right now - I'm trying my best to reach out, but it's hard when there's a part of me that desperately wants to cling to misery, loneliness, and fear like a toxic security blanket. I'm doing my best, but it's still hard. If you want to help? Reach out to me, and be patient if I shy away like a beaten dog at first.

I'm trying to keep track of positive things when I run into them - playing with friends' children, going running, planning my holiday cookie list (sesame toffee, or peanut? Opinions?). I'm hoping to spend today baking bread and making stock from last week's turkey carcass; having the house warm and full of good smells should help.

One day at a time, until it starts to get warm and green again....

(Oh! Public service announcement - I'm still here on LJ, but fewer and fewer people are. I can't stand facebook, but I have started posting on G+. Feel free to hunt me down there; I'm under my real married name. If you don't know it, ask......)

Comments

[bkdelong.livejournal.com]

I have been in your shoes...for 8 years...so I have an idea where you are coming from. Despite life getting exponentially worsein the last year, I feel inversely(sp?) less depressed and anxious due to the gradual creation of a daily mental health routine.

Still reading your LJ but I haven't managed to make the move to easily follow G+ with all the investment I've put into FB privacy controls & Friend Lists. Maybe a project for a quiet evening.

Do you think it's something from past experience that makes this time of year so challenging? Or is this recent?

I wish you the best in finding better strategies to mitigate or end both the depression and anxiety. I know every "mind" is different, everyone approaches it a different way and sometimes the most intelligent of people can overthink, overplan and catastrophize making planning and worrying this time of year particularly bad :/

I was and am still bad with that when not paying attention.

Thanks for sharing & posting an update. Be well.