Rebuilding walls

[ladysprite]

I used to believe that if someone was sleeping next to me, sharing my bed with me, that my nightmares would go away. It was a cure that bordered on miraculous, and for the most part it worked. I thought that once I moved in with my sweetheart, that part of my life would be over. No more being afraid to fall asleep, or waking up half-paralyzed at 4am and battling with my mind to find the difference between reality and dreams.

And, for a while, that was exactly what happened. It seemed so perfect, to the point where I guess I lost a lot of the nightmare-tolerance that I used to have. But somehow, for some reason I don't quite understand, they're back. Three out of the past four nights I've been battling nightmares as vivid as any I had before, and it feels like I've forgotten how to deal with them.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to get back into the frame of mind that I used to live in, where I stay up as late as I can to intentionally exhaust myself and then wake up at the dawn's first light, and brick off my subconscious as a morning ritual. But if I don't, I have no guarantee that these dreams won't take over my life and my mind. It may be just a mental hiccup, but... what if it's not? I've already devoted too much energy to dealing with this just today - auditions for 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' are tonight, and I can't get excited or worried or enthusiastic about it at all. I'm too busy coping with afterimages from last night.

Gods above and below, please let this be just a temporary recurrence, just a lapse. I don't think I could go back to living with nightmares again. Or, to be more honest, I suppose I could, but I don't want to. I've finally gotten comfortable with the way things are now....

Comments

Lucid Dreaming

[kittiwake.livejournal.com]

Have you tried to learn lucid dreaming techniques? When you are dreaming lucidly, you can become aware that you are dreaming and then control the course of the dream. I should think that that alt.dreams.lucid will have a FAQ on how to learn to do it. I haven't tried myself, as my dreams aren't usually scary.

Isabel.