No More

[ladysprite]

I am really, really, really sick and tired of Bucking Up and Being Strong and Acting Like A Goddamned Grownup and being told to just cope with shit.

In the past week I've had to deal with my creepy stalker ex-boyfriend from goddamn high school contacting me again, injuring my neck again so I'm on exercise restriction AGAIN, and finding out that someone stole my identity and about $1000 from my checking account/debit card. While I don't have any work, or enough money to make ends meet as it is.

And right now I'm supposed to square my shoulders and take a deep breath and go to the bank and go pick up a friend who needs a ride and clean the house and bake cookies for tonight's gaming group and be a smiley hostess and figure out alternate means of paying for everything until I get reimbursed and get my new card activated and do this all while I'm on heavy-duty muscle relaxants and coping without my primary stress-relief outlet, but I DON'T WANT TO.

I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. I want to quit this game. I want to have someone pick me up and carry me home and tell me I don't have to play anymore.

But that's not an option. So up I get and out I go. When do I get to stop running on this damn hamster wheel?

Comments

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Oh argh, honey. You have my sympathies and I send you strength.

[sabine791110.livejournal.com]

It's okay to not be a grownup sometimes. Tea helps. Punching bread dough helps. Telling a gaming group that life has happened and you're entirely out of spoons can help.

Deep breath. It's going to be okay. It's not okay now, but it's going to eventually be okay.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Sometimes having a cry lets it out. Don't tell yourself you can't cry. Go in your room, read something that comforts you, and let yourself cry. Hug a pillow, smell or touch something that makes you feel better, like a favorite stuffed animal, and go back out.

Sometimes those fifteen minutes of letting go of the scream and the lump in your throat are the most important thing you can do towards finding your vanishing cope. You don't have to be an adult all the time. Find your crying self, and let her drive for a while. We'll all be here when you're ready to come back, or be there to hold you afterward.

*many hugs*

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Very sorry you're being hit with so much at once. I hope you'll have a lull soon so you can recoup.

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Stolen id & money -- shitty.

DON'T WANT TO is very understandable.

more *hugs*

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Well... for what it's worth, it's perfectly normal and natural to want someone to carry you home and say you don't have to play any more. And it sucks to realize you're the grown-up now, so you can't count on that (but sometimes friends or partners can cover for you).

It does suck; it hurts; there ought to be a way to call "time out!" and get an uninterrupted stress-free day to relax in. Alas, there isn't.

I hope things are better and happier for you soon, and wish there was something I could do.

[calygrey.livejournal.com]

Holy cow. That really is too many pairs of big-girl-panties. You deserve to sit in the corner and cry. (In the meantime, making cookies might be a little bit soothing?)

[corwyn-ap.livejournal.com]

And if *making* cookies isn't soothing, EATING them may be. Worth a shot...

Remember, you *can* always drop everything and go do something completely different. Even holding that option in front of youself and saying "now?" can help you realize how many things you don't want to lose.

One thing you *do* want to lose is that debit card. Credit cards have much fewer and less risks.

Best Wishes.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[gmkieran.livejournal.com]

Bad Universe! Leave my friend alone!!! No biscuit!

*hugs*

[mindways]

Oh, suck. :( I'm sorry all this crud is raining down on you. I hope this (metaphorical) psychic weather system passes swiftly.

injuring my neck again so I'm on exercise restriction AGAIN .... heavy-duty muscle relaxants ....

...that sounds like acro this evening is out, then. :\

*many many hugs*

If you need some folding cash to tide you over for day-to-day stuff (or just the day-to-day stuff itself) until the bank situation gets sorted out¹, I'm happy to help out.

¹ = I'm assuming/hoping federal anti-fraud regulations apply, although I realize limited liability doesn't help with the immediate "no cash in the account" problem.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the offer - thankfully, the issue isn't 'no-money-at-all,' it's just 'no-access-to-what-I-have.' There's money in the account, and (thanks to umbran) cash in my wallet; the conundrum is with the few venues that only take credit/debit and won't work with cash or checks. Hopefully, though, my new card will be here soon.

On the other hand, no acro for me for the next few weeks - aside from my neck/shoulder, I've started a new tango class on Wednesday nights. Once that's over, though, I'd love to come back...

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

I know the feelings. I'll make you a deal: If you hang in there, so will I.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Deal. See you next week?

[mamatiger.livejournal.com]

Actually, you are totally allowed to call in sick to gaming night and cleaning and baking cookies. You really are. Someone else can clean, someone else can host gaming and someone else can bake (or buy) cookies.

You do have to deal with the bank, and work, and friends who depend on you for important things like rides they can't get from anyone else, but gaming night? No. You do not *have* to deal with that, unless you really truly actually want to because it will cheer you up.

I am so sorry about the creepy stalker ex-boyfriend. And your bank card being stolen. You are allowed to curl up and cry about that, it's in the rules. Get some rest, and as much sleep as you can, and then try to tackle the world. KEEP WARM!

*internet hugs*

[ladymacgregor.livejournal.com]

This! TOTALLY this.

The hardest thing in the world for us do-be types is to say no. But that's how you end up with a month (mine was December) when you have so many things to do and places to be and favors to render that you can't even THINK, and you feel like crying ALL THE TIME.

I have Made A Vow, and my husband says he'll help me keep it, that I will specifically REDUCE the things that I volunteer for. And it's totally not fair that you are generally reducing the fun things, like baking cookies, or (in my case) designing calendars - or even, giving rides to friends. But unfortunately, in this life, we can't reduce the un-fun things (like work, or dealing with banks). And SOMEthing needs to be reduced. And even if seeing my friends or going out ballroom dancing with my husband or whatever IS fun, in the end it takes energy, and sometimes I'm much better off saying No right at the beginning, staying home, and reading a book. (And doing MY back exercises *sigh* your neck, my back)

And volunteering to help friends? I feel like a heel sometimes, not immediately saying that I'll help, but I have to keep telling myself that there are other people in the world besides me who can help, and that it won't help ANYbody if I jump in and do everything and then have a nervous breakdown. (I watched my mother do that - I do NOT want to go there.) It sucks, but the only person who can prevent that breakdown is me.

*sigh*

I am very sorry that you are having such a nasty time. I REALLY sympathize.

[z-gryphon.livejournal.com]

Yikes. Um... it gets better?

I know that's seriously weaksauce right there, but it is true.

In the meantime, there's nothing in the world wrong with curling up in a corner and crying, so long as it's not all you do.