Silks 2 Week 3

[ladysprite]

Better class today. I think that's largely because of a combination of less climbing and less pain - I'm still the weakest in the class in general, but at least I'm not falling, crying, or having to sit things out.

I'm slowly figuring out how to work with my teacher, though I admit I still can't cope with her mandatory 'everybody list one thing you were proud of today' at the end of class. I understand what she's trying to do, but... I can't force myself to brag publicly, even under the best of circumstances, and especially not when I honestly feel like I haven't reached a point of mastery where I can take pride in my achievements.

She's trying to force me to play along, and I don't know what to do. I understand that she wants to have us be a team as a class, and that she wants to make us all feel good about ourselves, but at the same time, it's like needles under my fingernails making me be all braggy and arrogant and obnoxious and pretend to a pride I don't feel. I don't know what to do.

Anyway. On to what we did this week....



Standard climb, split silks descent, stop before we reach the floor, and climb again on the opposite side

Catcher's lock

Catcher's lock in the air (I desperately need to work on my mid-air straddle-ups)

Same-side knee lock into same-side hip key

Opposite side hip key

Rebecca splits

I've reached a point where what I really need to work on is just building more core strength. Until I can invert in the air, there's not much further I can go. On the other hand, a month ago I couldn't invert at all. So, I know I can do it if I practice....

Comments

[siderea]

Ooh, I'm guessing it must be pretty uncomfortable for you that the other students don't have a problem going along with this exercise and doing something that makes them braggy and arrogant and obnoxious. That doesn't sound fun to be around.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

I don't have a problem with other students being sane and reasonable. I'm glad that they're happy and that they're enjoying themselves.

I acknowledge that the issue here is mine, and that my damage makes *me* uncomfortable when put in this situation. I do not believe, objectively, that other people who lack that damage are arrogant and obnoxious.

I know that what she's asking us to do isn't unreasonable. But I have a history that has left me with hangups about being asked to engage in this sort of behavior myself. I know that's what's going on; I know that the problem is with my response to this request, not the request itself or how other people respond to it.

I'm aware of my own pathology. But that doesn't make it automatically go away.

[siderea]

I know that what she's asking us to do isn't unreasonable.

I dunno. Maybe it is reasonable. (I don't have this hangup, and I would be like, "What are we, five?") But it sounds from above, especially not letting you pass on the exercise, like she's being pretty unreasonable about it.

In a way that I'm finding pretty icky. If it would be useful for you for me to break down a bunch of the ways this rings "that sounds like an abusive parent" bells in my mind, I'm happy to do so.

But in any event, this isn't a forced choice between her being the unreasonable party or you being the unreasonable party. She can be reasonable asking you to do this, and you can be just as reasonable in not wanting to do it. For whatever reason. It doesn't even have to make you feel like you're bragging or any specific thing. It's enough that you don't want to and you feel pretty strongly that way. Maybe it makes you feel unsafe. Maybe it violates your religious beliefs. Maybe it feels invalidating of the difficulties you're having. Maybe you're having a cranky day and don't feel like being pressured into being positive for somebody else's pleasure. It doesn't matter the reason.

You get to say no. Just because you feel like it.

[grum]

Yes. This.