Silks 2 Week 3

[ladysprite]

Better class today. I think that's largely because of a combination of less climbing and less pain - I'm still the weakest in the class in general, but at least I'm not falling, crying, or having to sit things out.

I'm slowly figuring out how to work with my teacher, though I admit I still can't cope with her mandatory 'everybody list one thing you were proud of today' at the end of class. I understand what she's trying to do, but... I can't force myself to brag publicly, even under the best of circumstances, and especially not when I honestly feel like I haven't reached a point of mastery where I can take pride in my achievements.

She's trying to force me to play along, and I don't know what to do. I understand that she wants to have us be a team as a class, and that she wants to make us all feel good about ourselves, but at the same time, it's like needles under my fingernails making me be all braggy and arrogant and obnoxious and pretend to a pride I don't feel. I don't know what to do.

Anyway. On to what we did this week....



Standard climb, split silks descent, stop before we reach the floor, and climb again on the opposite side

Catcher's lock

Catcher's lock in the air (I desperately need to work on my mid-air straddle-ups)

Same-side knee lock into same-side hip key

Opposite side hip key

Rebecca splits

I've reached a point where what I really need to work on is just building more core strength. Until I can invert in the air, there's not much further I can go. On the other hand, a month ago I couldn't invert at all. So, I know I can do it if I practice....

Comments

[gmkieran.livejournal.com]

Would it feel less like bragging if the question were couched differently? Rather than something you took pride in, perhaps something you felt you accomplished (without pressure to look for things that others didn't accomplish) or something you simply enjoyed doing? If I were the instructor, I would be going for examples of those, rather than examples of pride - pride isn't known for team-building. If you feel like you can, you might talk with her about that.

I hope you enjoy the practicing and the results!!! *hugs*

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

I'm working on translating it into that in my head - trying to reword it internally as 'what did you accomplish today," instead of "what are you proud of."

Talking to her isn't likely to accomplish much; we don't speak the same language. But if I can reframe it internally, I'll have a better time over the next several weeks, I think....

[mermaidlady]

Being proud of an accomplishment isn't bragging and you don't need to have mastered something to take pride in it. Heck, there were times in my aerial classes where a very small gain was worthy of note. Take stock of what you accomplished in class, what was better than last time. Pick one of those things. And don't feel you need to compare yourself to anyone else in the class -- that way lies madness.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

that's what I'm trying to do. If I can think of it as progress, or accomplishment, I think I can do it. And yeah; I'm the least experienced person in class, so I'm trying not to compare.

Thank you....

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Can you talk to her privately and explain your issues with public bragging? Maybe make a deal with her that you'll tell her, privately, one thing you're proud of?

I feel for you... that kind of thing can make me feel uncomfortable, too.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Maybe.... I think she's kind of enamored of it as a team-building thing. But thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who has an issue with this....

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Could you just smile and say "pass"?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

I tried that. Got away with it last week; this week she decided that she wouldn't let anyone leave until I participated. :(

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

That sounds a bit sadistic.

[joannahurley.livejournal.com]

That would cause me to announce that I paid for the class, I'm leaving, and next time remember I'm the client. Oi. But I hate being put on a spotlight and anger is a defense mechanism.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Well - you probably need to learn to accept legitimate pride about yourself. On the other hand, you "need" to learn that when you're *ready* to learn about that. When it's a bit nerve-wracking, but not flat out scary.

It's possible to say "I did X better than I did last week, and I'm proud of that" and not be braggy and arrogant. So if that's acceptable to her, maybe that's a good start? But again: as I said, lessons are for when you're ready, not for when someone else tells you you're ready.

[siderea]

Ooh, I'm guessing it must be pretty uncomfortable for you that the other students don't have a problem going along with this exercise and doing something that makes them braggy and arrogant and obnoxious. That doesn't sound fun to be around.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

I don't have a problem with other students being sane and reasonable. I'm glad that they're happy and that they're enjoying themselves.

I acknowledge that the issue here is mine, and that my damage makes *me* uncomfortable when put in this situation. I do not believe, objectively, that other people who lack that damage are arrogant and obnoxious.

I know that what she's asking us to do isn't unreasonable. But I have a history that has left me with hangups about being asked to engage in this sort of behavior myself. I know that's what's going on; I know that the problem is with my response to this request, not the request itself or how other people respond to it.

I'm aware of my own pathology. But that doesn't make it automatically go away.

[siderea]

I know that what she's asking us to do isn't unreasonable.

I dunno. Maybe it is reasonable. (I don't have this hangup, and I would be like, "What are we, five?") But it sounds from above, especially not letting you pass on the exercise, like she's being pretty unreasonable about it.

In a way that I'm finding pretty icky. If it would be useful for you for me to break down a bunch of the ways this rings "that sounds like an abusive parent" bells in my mind, I'm happy to do so.

But in any event, this isn't a forced choice between her being the unreasonable party or you being the unreasonable party. She can be reasonable asking you to do this, and you can be just as reasonable in not wanting to do it. For whatever reason. It doesn't even have to make you feel like you're bragging or any specific thing. It's enough that you don't want to and you feel pretty strongly that way. Maybe it makes you feel unsafe. Maybe it violates your religious beliefs. Maybe it feels invalidating of the difficulties you're having. Maybe you're having a cranky day and don't feel like being pressured into being positive for somebody else's pleasure. It doesn't matter the reason.

You get to say no. Just because you feel like it.

[grum]

Yes. This.